Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
