if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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