a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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