p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Rumble strips road head = magical
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
