Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
