im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
