I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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