Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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