drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
nutella sex= disaster
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
