come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
