Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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