alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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