Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
