do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
