Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
