Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
