and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
