Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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