the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
