you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There r osticjed everywhere
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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