i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
