we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
