God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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