Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
