brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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