Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
