Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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