I molested 6 butterflies tonight
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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