took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
