somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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