hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Randomize
