I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
