apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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