i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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