he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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