i just wanna soil my oats bro
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
