I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
