Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
