Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
