I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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