Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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