weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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