well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
