I am in a vortex of obligation.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
