she smelled like a LAN party
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
