sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
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The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
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Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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