just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
