i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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