Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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