when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
home. puking in laundry basket.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I enjoy the company of your penis
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
