i'm lost and i look like a hooker
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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