I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
