I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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