i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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