i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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