You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We had to coat check the pizza.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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