if you like me you must not know who I am
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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