he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
