Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
