I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize